I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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