What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
