We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
