conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
