Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
