I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
