I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize