I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
