party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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