Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
