sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
