He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's shark week go big or go home
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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