1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
someone owes me an orgasm
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
