Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
