I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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