I want to walk on stilts...naked
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
