i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
