He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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