dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
