I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
