she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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