The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
