wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
