We named our party play list daddy issues
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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