i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
