Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
