I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
