walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Green mimosas i think yes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Randomize
