I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
