I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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