Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
