Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am midnight drunk by noon
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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