Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
