Swine flu. Run for my life!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
