Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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