Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am naked and annoyed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
