I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Randomize
