we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
