I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
