It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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