then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
