Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
