So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
