Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
