shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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