I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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