My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
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He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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