Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
