my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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