i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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