yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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