i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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