Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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