filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
