woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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