Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
