Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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