i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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