Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if i can run in heels then i can drive
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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