had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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