Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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