4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
