belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
