I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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