dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize