he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
