If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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