Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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