I skipped work to stalk him.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
