Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
