My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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