I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
