Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
